Mental Health Tip: How to deal with conflict without immediately apologising, agreeing or backing down Conflict can feel particularly difficult when you’re used to keeping the pea...

Mental Health Tip: How to deal with conflict without immediately apologising, agreeing or backing down Conflict can feel particularly difficult when you’re used to keeping the peace or making sure others are happy with you and approve of what you’re doing. You might apologise before you’ve worked out whether you’ve done anything wrong, agree with something you internally disagree with, or abandon what you need just to make the discomfort go away. So, here’s something you can try next time. Before you respond, slow yourself down. Feel your feet on the floor, take a slower breath out and work out the one thing you actually need the other person to understand. Then focus on one specific situation, and explain to them how the situation has affected you and what you would like to happen next time. Then allow them to respond. Listening to someone doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. If you’ve done something that requires an apology, you can apologise. Just try not to use an apology simply to make the discomfort stop. The other person may still feel angry or disappointed. That can be hard to tolerate, particularly if conflict feels threatening to you. But their feelings can be present while you continue to communicate calmly and hold your position respectfully. If you become overwhelmed, you can pause the conversation and agree on a time to return to it. Each time you do this, you’re teaching yourself that conflict can feel uncomfortable without becoming a catastrophe.