“Anxiety keeps me sharp.” “A bit of pressure helps me perform at my best.” “If I stopped worrying about it, I’d probably forget.” These are some of the ways anxiety becomes part of the system people use to manage life. And it makes sense that we do. Anxiety can pull important commitments back into awareness, keep future plans in mind, and create a sense of urgency that helps things get done. Over time, many of us come to rely on worry as a way of remembering things, staying organised and generating enough urgency to tackle procrastination. It’s easy to see how we might learn to trust it and rely on it over time. Many of us can point to experiences that offer proof that it is necessary. Missed deadlines. Forgotten appointments. Unfinished tasks. Relationship mishaps. Embarrassing mistakes. These experiences can leave a powerful impression and lead to the conclusions we often draw about ourselves and others. Over time, anxiety can become woven into the way we manage responsibilities, commitments and future plans. It can start to feel less like an emotional response and more like a practical tool. Something essential to keeping the whole system running. If something really matters, we keep bringing it back into awareness. We think about it repeatedly, revisit it in our minds, imagine what could go wrong, make sure it stays visible, and put plans in place to reduce the risks. This might seem sensible, responsible even. The fact that we keep thinking about something can feel like evidence that we care about it. And when things go well, it is easy to conclude that anxiety deserves some of the credit. However, anxiety rarely provides these services without a cost. While it is busy holding future commitments in mind, it is often borrowing attention from the present. Energy that could be spent resting, concentrating, enjoying a conversation or engaging with life right now gets redirected towards repeatedly checking in on things that haven’t happened yet. Many people only begin questioning this arrangement when they start noticing that cost in their relationships, their health or their work. Why Would Anyone Start Using Anxiety This Way? If anxiety has become part of the system we use to manage life, there is usually a reason. Taken in isolation, the idea of spending large amounts of time, energy and focus away from the present moment might look counter intuitive. Except most people don’t consciously decide to do this. More often, they gather evidence over time that relying on memory, motivation or good intentions alone doesn’t always work. Examples include forgetting important things, struggling to get started, or losing focus on things that matter. For some people, particularly those who later discover they are ADHD-ers, these experiences can become a recurring part of life long before it becomes clear what is actually going on. Difficulties with memory, organisation, task initiation and follow-through can easily become confused with personal failings when there is no alternative explanation available. The practical consequences can be difficult enough. Often, though, the emotional consequences run deeper. It can become easy to believe that forgetting means I am careless, struggling to get started means I am lazy, missing something important means I am unreliable. The details vary from person to person, but many people end up carrying painful stories about what their difficulties say about them. You probably have some examples of your own. So, if worrying means fewer things are forgotten, more deadlines are met and tasks get started, why wouldn’t I worry? There is a design flaw in this solution. Anxiety makes it hard to rest, depleting energy over time. Urgency increases a sense of fear and doom and focussing only on risk can make it very hard to be fully present in our lives and relationships. Eventually, some people begin wondering whether the cost is too high. Whether there might be another way that still allows us
