I am not sure if this is considered a win, but maybe it will give a different perspective to some of you. Aside from general overthinking, anxiety and panic, i have been doing a lot of self reflection, analyzing past, present, future, reading, sharing.. on my brain it is almost as if i can hear both the emotional and rational side of me. So, a thought i had these last few days.. i have been feeling different this week for the majority of the days. Not bad different, but not specifically good either. Hear me out.. i felt in a sense empty, as if nothing much is happening, almost bored. Not sure how to explain it. And then this thought hit me, that my body and mind are on the other side of anxiety (or at least trying to be). That made the anxiety return at times, because it felt so unusual in comparison to the many years of daily torture. I felt like earth was spinning in the right direction, at the pace it should. So i will give myself the space and time to explore this calmer side of me and get used to it. It's as if the lack of anxiety and constant tension is so new that it becomes scary, as it is not the norm in my brain. Its a small ray of sunshine. I know it won't shine for long. Maybe tomorrow I will dip again, but i will try to welcome each ray, and try to hold on to it longer and longer.
