Something i havnt done for YEARS is food shopping for the week, normally someone i know does it for me and i completely avoid it because of how many triggers there are: crowds, small isles, bright lights, noise, isles being moved about/organisation, even colours ive found to be overstimulating sometimes and a lot more This year i decided to go with my brother (my safety person), my earbuds and something to keep my hands busy at the busiest time of year and i went, got through about 1/2 of the way around the shop and the symptoms kept starting, dizziness, heart beating rapidly, shortness of breathe, i started shaking, my arms felt tingly, sharp chest pains etc. I went through a few panic attacks (nothing unusual to be honest) and then got out soon after where after i calmed down i then decided to give it another go and went back in, completeing the rest of the journey through the chaos and i am exhausted to say the least This has been a day where my motivation has been slightly more elevated and ive been able to go out and do something which to me felt like a huge achievement considering how bad my mental health has been recently I have always found christmas holidays really difficult since i was a kid, mostly from my mental health and trauma (family problems included). Anyone else finding holidays hard, especially christmas just know its okay if it feels heavy, overwhelming, lonely, sad or unsure. Wether youre grieving, tired, starting over or just trying to hold it together you dont owe anyone anything. Im proud of you all for making it through another year and im glad youre still here Im also taking this as a reminder that instead of looking back on this year and thinking of what i couldnt manage, im going to try to remind myself of the progress ive made this year and i would suggest you to try to do the same, i hope youre all doing well, merry christmas xx
