I was sick for the last two, almost three weeks. When that happens and I stay too much at home, my whole progress of going out alone gets wiped out. I’m back to square one, fearing walking alone, going to stores, walking anywhere farther than my street is a challenge. So for the last 3 days I told myself I will go out every day. No matter what. On day one I went around my street but each time I would turn to another street or even cross to the other side, I would get instantly panicky. I managed to walk around for 30 minutes. Yesterday, I wanted to see how I will feel if I go in the supermarket. I went past it two times, I feel like the people who saw me walk by 5 times probably thought I was lost lmao. And I also went inside! Just to look around, feel the vibe, no shopping. I did not have the strength to take anything because checkout is the worst for me. Today, I decided I will buy a few small things that I needed and I will not resort to online orders like I usually do. I went inside after work, grabbed a few things and just the thought of going to checkout made my legs feel shaky. I always fear I will pass out so I put the things back and I decided to try later. Two hours later when it was almost dark already, I went back in. This time there was no turning back, I put on a podcast to listen to and distract me, I counted my breaths in and out when I felt more shaky and I stood on the self-checkout line. There were people before and the waiting had me worry again so I debated ditching everything again and went back to the isles. I took something else and powered through the line again and when I was done I felt such a relief. Even helped a lady in front of me. I went back at home and literally clapped to myself in front of the mirror. I’m so happy for powering through and achieving what I said I will do, even though it took me a few attempts.
