Big plans im anxious!!

Last week i set up a flight to ireland from 23rd to the 26th october. Since i reached my worst quite a few years ago but last year i decided to go to denmark for my first flight trying to fight agoraphobia to an extreme from 29th to the 1st of august 2025. It went horribly. But ive decided that if i can afford it then i am going to try to book a flight every year or 2 years, not going too far but the point is to prove to myself that anxiety cannot beat me. I am once again mentally preparing myself for the worst that could happen like i did last time but im now trying to think of those thoughts and changing them into how realistic that thought is, how likely it is to happen instead of just believing that it will happen to me. I know my anxiety is going to be boosted a lot more around this trip, especially the weeks counting down to it but im kind of scared and excited to stand up against myself again. It could be just as bad as last time, or even worse, but i will never know until i try. "we cannot move away from what we are, until we thoroughly accept what we are. Then change seems to come about almost unnoticed" -Carl Rogers This quote has always stuck to me because personally it makes me recognise, and most importantly, accept those feelings for what they are; until i notice that only i know what hurts, what directions to go for me, what problems are crucial or what experiences have been deeply buried and i consciously make an effort to change or accept myself for who i am as a person or acknoledge that then that is where i find myself changing Ive been feeling really stuck for honestly quite a few year now where ive felt completely nothing or just pure anxiety when im alone and i dont have distractions around me to let my mind drift off of negative thoughts. Ive tried a lot to get rid of that feeling but i can never shift it and im exhausted of it. It has made a lot of my better days quite crap to put it bluntly and i guess thats one reason why i agreed to setting out this trip (which yes i am already regretting)