So I’ve suffered with severe social anxiety for about 6 years now and no matter what I do it just seems to get worse as the time goes on in life so today I was really proud that I managed to get out the house and take my son for a game of bowling and some food. I managed to eat my burger which is very hard for me to do in public I just find it so hard to do but after a very shaky hand and lots of drink to wash it down i had finished something in public for the first time in years . After that we went into the arcades which was very busy , I was already overwhelmed and had several panic attacks before going out so to bowling let alone going to the arcades after , it was hot , busy and very loud and I was overwhelmed with anxiety … but I just had to remind myself I’m there for my son to have fun and how it would affect him if we just had to suddenly leave so I managed to push through it , for some reason I can cope with my anxiety when I’m with my son better than when I’m alone and I think a big factor is I don’t want him to know his dad is struggling and to make every moment a good happy memory . After a good hours fun in the arcade it was time to take him back home as because of my mental health I sadly only get a certain day and time I get to see him ( believe me im a good dad I just don’t know what’s happened to me lately I find it really hard to cope ) but he said he has fun and I was glad and I was proud I was able to overcome my anxiety because I really do love my time with him. I’m home now and although I am proud it took allot of energy for me to hold back the anxiety today and not show it in front of my son I don’t want him to know what I go through I want him to be happy and not have to worry about asking to go places because of my anxiety , it was a big win but I’d be lying if I didn’t get home and cry my eyes out , it took allot of energy today to just do something that sounds so normal like a normal family day out but for me it takes allot and I know people see me shaking and struggling to catch my breathe and it does make it worse because I have social anxiety but all that matters is i did it and I made my son happy and all that matters to me is my son I would not choose to live this life if i didn’t have him around to make me feel worthy so Yh today was a big win for me and im Currently waiting on therapy sessions to start so i can make these things more regular and actually feel like I use to all them years ago . This is my first time posting and im not the best with words even though its not a public place for me this is still social and ive got major anxiety writing this so I apologise if anyone has read this and its not made sense but personally im doing it for myself so next time I can look back on this and say I did it and I can do it again and again and again . If you made it this far I’d like to say thank you and I’d like to thanks others who share there stories it really helps that I’m not alone I’m just a dad trying to be a better version of myself for my son . All the best, Connor
