I absolutely dread the subway system in NYC. It's crowded, it's exhausting, and it has it's own etiquette that sometimes feels so restricting. I haven't gone into the city for these reasons. The last time I went into the city, I full on panicked and was unable to go on the train. Obviously some of those lingering insecurities and fears stuck with me: was that going to happen again? Well, just because something happened once does not mean it's going to happen again. Going into the subway, I actually told myself, "If Peter could do it, I can (at least try) to do it." It started off unsettling, but slowly I felt the edge decrease gradually. I kept reminding myself that I don't have to feel a certain way to have a positive experience; I can be anxious, and still have a enjoyable time. Releasing some of that binary thinking, and showing more self-compassion in moments like these has helped a lot. I have no idea when I will be taking the train again, but I feel very proud for having gone through with it and facing my discomfort and learning to not only deal with it, but to accept it with compassion.
