There was a time in my life when I lived for concerts. To stand by the speakers feeling the bass course through my body. Feeling like my heart beat lined up with the beat of song. It was pure bliss. Nothing compared to the feeling. Then anxiety came along..... Recently I have tired to attend concerts again. I have bought tickets to some of my favorite bands and I have bailed last minute on every one. It is not to be understated the love my family has for the band 21 pilots. So when I saw they were coming to MY town I did not hesitate to get tickets. I swore I would not miss this show. I bought the tickets in june, so I had plenty of time to work on actually getting there. That show was last night. I was at anxiety level 8! I almost bailed out on it. My sister was going with us so she could drive and I wouldn't have to deal with traffic, so I thought I could just send my daughter with my sister and I could stay home. But, oh how I wanted to be able to post this as a win. So I went. I told my sister how I was feeling so she would be aware and could help if needed. We went to dinner before the show. I ordered a salad but didn't really eat it because anxiety will often take my appetite. The restaurant we went to will let concert goers park there with a dine in receipt so we left the car there and walked to venue, which was less than five minuets. We got to the venue, bought our merch, found the lawn section and settled in. The opening band was already playing. I was hyper aware of everything. Taking in the venue. They had put millions of dollars into redoing it since last I was there in like 2016. It was like a whole different place. Oh and it is an outdoor arena and it was only 48F out. That is like 8 degrees Celsius according to google. Then the band took the stage It was like everything change, like magic! I was instantly at ease. I don't know why this happened. I'm not going to question it. About half way through the show, my sister took my arm and said "follow me" So I did, and my daughter followed both of us. We made our way to the safety railing where a member of the staff was giving away free pit passes! I knew I needed this for my daughter so we took them and made our way from the very back of the arena to the very front! I got a little nervous at this point because I could feel the ground vibrating beneath my feet but this lasted only a few moments. I told myself this was the experience I use to love and I was going to enjoy it again, and I did. I danced, I jumped to the beat of the music, I felt it vibrate through me and I didn't panic, I didn't feel anxious I felt pure joy just like I use to. I honestly thought I had forgotten how to feel that. At one point my sister leaned over to me and said " I want you to know that you have done three really great things here tonight. You left the house, even though you didn't want to, you said yes to being down here in the pit, and you are standing here in this crowd enjoying this with everyone else and I am proud of you" That almost brought a tear to my eye. and my daughter....well she had and I quote "the best night of my entire life mom!" Which was my ultimate goal for her from this experience. I know this is really long, so I thank you for sticking with me this long. I just hope I can remember this in future when I have tickets to a show that I feel like I want to forget about and just stay home instead.
