Today I woke up with dizziness and my palpitations going a little crazy so I knew this was going to be a rough day if could go out, but I didn't let that stop me and I went out anyways, my friend drove me to a place near me for breakfast and I ate almost half of what I ordered, which is the most I have ate in one sitting in years. For me eating is a very stressful experience to say the least and it can take me hours to get through not even half of my meal and If I ever go out somewhere I always take it home. One of my goals have been to eat without feeling like I needed a sip of whatever drink I have every bite I take, I've also questioned if this would be possible but I'm finally going to face it and find out. Taking it small steps at a time such as skipping atleast one sip once when I eat and then I'll gradually make more steps, I know this is going to take a long time, years maybe even a decade or so, who knows but I would do almost anything to be able to manage it the slightest bit more. This has weighed me down since my childhood and I havnt enjoyed a snack/meal or finished a meal in one go without it being massivly stressful for years. I also started a new art peice of my cat Monty that stressed me out at first because I havnt drawn cats for ages but I soon eased into it a bit and it helped me sit with some uncomfortable feelings too. While drawing this I also listened to the anxiety fitness podcast featuring Maurice, I have obsessive compulsions but not to a disorder level so I thought I would relate to it to some extent but it shocked me a little on how I really related to it and I would probably say it's made me feel less alone in that too. (I see this as a win in instead since my adhd makes it hard to listen to anything for more than 10-20 minutes long, though I found the podcast interesting and that probably helped) Overall, today has been really busy but I'm proud of myself, especially for eating (which I know might sound silly) but it is something I struggle with. I hope you're all doing well! Xx
