Im sorry my posts are always long in advance..i try to keep them short but i just cant seem to do it ... last week i got back into walking and getting back in aldi my local "mini superstore?" ..i find going in aldi very stressful for some reason even though its not far from where i live...which anoys me a si use dtos hop in there all time years ago and its far cheaper and better quality than the dilivery apps i use for shopping but the last 3 years or so i just havnt been able to go in .. ...on the odd occasions ive tried it I tend to go for a walk through my local park and the round all the adjecent streets and roads to build up heart strength and confeidence ..but even if i do have a good walk and feel half decent as soon as i walk in aldi it all just seems to vanish in an instant, its like a switch that switches of all the previous work ..i dont know if its the lights or th noise or the knowledege taht as soon as youw alk in your cant get abck out except through the checkouts and if i feel bad i cant buy anything to get through the checkouts easily so its gives me that feeling of being instantly trapped .and that seems to trigger stress on top of stress that i already have about going in ...sometimes this stress stays in a certain place and i can walk in and get to the first couple of isles but if it shifts from my stomach into my chest then i get breathless an then its like a slow approcaching surge that slows me right down to virtual paralasys..if it gets worse i cant move .. and then i cant stay in but then cant move to get out ..so im always trying to find a way to managed the potential threat by staying close to the entrace for a long time until i feel like i can adjust which just makes me look weird or suspicious to security people (or i think it does). Anyway last week i had 3 goes at it ..the first day was bad becasue i havnt been out walking anywhere for ages even though i had a walk through the park and streets for a bit im so not very fit or healthy which is strange for some one with health anxiety ..i dont realy look after myself properly ..hence the anxiety i guess..i had to post a letter and the mini post offic eis inside aldi which is why im bad a sending letters or parcels but i forgot that tjere was a post box outside for letters which did save me a little but i still went in but i was bad for a brief moment when i thourght things might esculate posting on this site helped me distract it but i know that that in a way is also probably a bad thing..but its the only way i can connect to something else that takes me out of that situatio long enough to recover or have the option of recovery and it did work. The second day i went it i had a surge on the first attempt that forced me back outside and i was luckily that i could get past another customer at one of the checkouts but i manage to stay just outside the doors for a bit and rest and regroup and on the second attempt i was alot better .. third day was okay i went to a local pub . i didnt ahve a alcoholic drink but i did mistakenly get a caffinated coffee and a deit pepsi and alot of food becasue id walk abit getting to it i felt like i burned enough caloeries but realy it was a mistake as i cant seem to eat and drink as much as i think i can without it making me go bloated and thats an another trigger but i do walk back from the pub to aldi i had a bit of bad moment whe i thourght i might be in trouble but i managed to stay inside this time and it subsided ..having someone to tell sesms to help me but i know its not realy the right thing to do as it becomes a dependancy crutch ..that something else i have to work on ...but despite how i made it all sound it was a half decent win ..im aweare when i post messages my typing is bad a t the best of time sbut whe i was the shop or aldi and i started to feel bad my abilty to type collaspes significantly but thats not just an anxiety thing i think thats something else..has anyone else expereince a loss or physical typing or writing abilty with being ill ? or is it a mobile phone thing like my sister tells me..its just that my typing on a keyboard is all quite bad now as well i dont know if its brain thing or a finger strength problem....shrug
