Ive picked up an old hobby i used to have, which is skateboarding. I have skated since i was 8 to learn tricks and just to have fun and be 'cool' but about a year ago now my chronic illness got worse, which i still am not diagnosed with anything but all of my joints get really painful to the point i cant walk or move sometimes. I also almost fully quit when my anxiety was at its worse. I brought a longboard, 42.5inches drop through about half a week ago but the wether has been appauling in the UK but this weekend it has been fantastic weather for skateboarding, so for the past 2 days ive gotten myself out myhouse and skated for hours on end. I forgot how happy it made me, even though i now have more grazes on every part of my body. I have still had panic attacks while out, but theyve been shorter than what they used to be. Theyve mainly happened when i start running out of breath, or my chest gets tight and it feels like i cant breathe, or i get dizzy. Ive also been focused a lot on my health because of it too, the grazes ive been getting etc. So its probably been triggering my health anxiety and cardiophobia more than anything but thats a reason why i didnt stop skating when my first panic attack came up on me because i knew that if i didnt challenge it, the anxiety around it would be worse next time. Also, having grazes from falling since i havnt skated for ages, and am using a much longer board than what i was used to has triggered my germaphobia and obsessive compulsions with staying aa clean as i can, one main compilsion i get is having to wash my hand over and over again until i feel clean. Obviously ive had to clean the grazes but ive tried my best to not over clean them, and im down to 6 washes instead of the 10 i usually do. It seems little to me but im hoping itll get better. Skating has always improved my resilience but i am really starting to see more clearly that my anxiety has impacted everything i used to do and if i take approches for other activities (for example, falling while skating downhill, hurting myself and then going down that hill again after instead of giving up on it) i can apply that to anxiety too, which ive known for a while but havnt seemed to be able to switch my perspective easily. This weekend my anxiety has been lower than usual, only slightly, but im still happy about that because i feel as if i can find the motivation to go outside
