Yesterday I visited a really beautiful, scenic mountain with my boyfriend and his family. Some exposures were: sitting in the car for long stretches of time (despite having intrusive thoughts), walking up the stairs (all in one go!) to this observation deck, and doing an easy hike. There were moments of me being unsure of myself, for instance thoughts about whether I would faint, whether I could find the nearest bathroom (this intrusive thought has ironically become louder in recent, equating having that space to a sense of safety maybe?), whether my heart was okay. Those questions came up, but they also dissolved as I decided to move through them and not latch onto them. This was my first time in a long time going on a road trip, and I'm surprised by how well I did. Also, I know a lot of my exposures seem to capture these bigger events and moments and I just wanted to say that the reason I post these is because there was a time I didn't even desire to leave my room. These bigger moments in and of themselves have been my exposure. Even wanting to go out, wanting to see things, wanting to live my life, is a new sensation frankly since I joined this community so I just wanted to say I hope that these "bigger" wins don't eclipse the fact that everyday is still a struggle for me, but these big moments remind me I can do hard things. ❤️
