Today I visited the Museum of Modern Art in NYC with my partner and one of his friends. There were a lot of exposure during this trip: 1. Going into the city via public transit, 2. Meeting someone new, and 3. Being in a public, crowded space. I deal a lot with cardiophobia when I'm anxious. I'm empowered to say that I don't track my heart rate anymore (it's been 8 months!) but I am still very attuned and aware. There was a moment where the panic washed over me and I couldn't tell if my heart was beating. I was in the museum at this point, and was able to navigate my way to a restroom for a sense of "safety", it was very hard to not feel my heartbeat as a safety behavior. I mean, yeah it was fast, but I survived despite all the intense discomfort in the museum, and while eating at a cafe with my partners friend. This past week I've exposed myself a lot, and I'm very proud of myself. Hoping that next week is a little less intense but I'm here, my heart is here, and I'm thankful that I got to go to the museum to see an exhibit about Hilma af Klint - a really great female artist!
