I completed my work experience for the first time!! I got dropped off and i was extremely anxious. It gave me multiple long and harsh panic attacks, i felt really trapped, my heart was throbbing and palpitating the worst it has done for a while, i was hyperventilating and all the what ifs started attacking my mind "what if i hate this place?" "What if the people are horrible" and even the really instrusive ones (which i dont usually ahare what they are but i will this time) for example "what if i accidently kill one of the animals" then spiralled from there even though i know that that would never happen. I really wanted to back out, go home do anything to avoid it. I felt physically ill and as if i couldnt breathe before we got there. Leaving the house was also a nightmare and i didnt realise how anxious i became of the world again. I still pushed through and i honestly dont even know how, in that moment i forgot about everything that can somewhat relieve the feeling. We got to the place and my heart felt like it was going to explode. All i wanted to do was go home, i was already so fa out of my comfort zone and being in a place ive never been to, speaking to people ive never seen before and just the overall change in what my life is going to look like with this becoming an almost daily thing However once i got told what tasks i had to complete and where everything was, when i was left to just do those tasks, with all control of how i completed them, i started to relax a little more. Just enough get through the shift. I did have a short panic attack when it got too hot in the area i was working in, but i just stepped out, calmed down a bit and got back to the task. What helped was actually befriending all the animals and talking to them. Today i worked with loads of rabbits, guinea pigs and a tortoise. I even got to play with their dog for a couple of minutes. I didnt realise how long this was but i am so proud of myself for doing this, im also so relieved to be home but i know i cant fully rest until my next shift, ive planned to go outside for atleast 30minutes each day, working for an hour everyday, just to keep up a good mentality over getting out of my house. It isnt dangerous, im always safe, this isnt going to harm me, anxiety cannot keep control over me. Thanks for reading again, hope you have a great day :)
