Been struggling a lot lately. Feeling powerless and just sad from losing the love i used to have for life! Health anxiety is kicking, and i have been insanely scared of fainting and just getting really ill. Today, i had to work. Just 3 hours payed double as a student. Been crying all morning because of the insane fear of going, and again, the angriness at myself for being afraid of this place i work at for 4 years now! My grandparents and parents were going for a walk, and i joined them a small part on the way to work, when they dropped the bomb my godfather had a heartattack and was at the ER. As expected, i completly crashed right then and there. Shaking, crying, convinced today was the day i faint. With a bit of mental pressure from my mom, i took some emergency meds. Only took them once before, when flying to Italy. With no other option, i moved on to work. When collegue asked how i was, i cried again, but actually? The workway went well! Kept busy, lots of customers and stuff to do. I was anxious, and often felt faint, but went for a drink often and took a toilet break when i felt too bad. Finished my shift tho!
