Every June for the past 12 years, my family and I have gone to a festival in New Hampshire (u.s) It has always been one of my favorite events of the year. I always look forward to it. My husband enjoys it but only keeps going because he knows how much I love it. He wouldn't go anymore if it wasn't for me. Mostly because it takes up so much the summer. We live in an area that only gets a few good months a year for doing important outside projects, and this trip usually takes up most of the month of June. Well last year he was over the moon excited when I said "I'm not feeling it this year, I don't think I want to go" He was excited to have the extra time to do work outside, but I broke my own heart. I didn't want to go because my anxiety was so high. So we stayed home, and I spent the week during the festival seeing all the social media posts from my friends who were there hating myself for missing out. I swore I would never miss it again Well its that time of year again. Time for the festival. We have been prepping for weeks, we leave soon. As the day of departure approaches I am working hard on preparing and keeping my anxiety in check. Its the travel that bothers me the most. Its only a three hour drive from home. Honestly, if I needed to, I can go home at anytime. I could even go home for a night or two and go back. I don't know why this three hour drive bothers me so much. I know once I am there I will be fine. I have been working hard on not retreating to my safe spaces during panic attacks but I have had attacks at this festival before and I know the RV in one of them. Knowing that gives me comfort, even though I will be trying not to use it an attack happens. I have a theory that my brain confuses excitement for danger, with the increased heart rate and all that, so whenever I am excited for something I end up having a panic attack. Stupid Brain Anyway, the point of all this is I am working towards my win. I really hope I can come back here in ten+ days and share with everyone how I made it through and all the fun I had with the friends I only get to see once a year, and how refreshed I feel. Camping is so good for your body and your soul., its been almost two years since I walked barefoot in the grass. I really need it. I know I can do it at home, but I just don't, I don't know why. I'm rambling now so I will stop.
