I haven’t posted here since July. That last post was of me standing beside a friend who later chose to walk away because my agoraphobia “didn’t make sense” to her. After that, I stopped feeling like I belonged anywhere — including here. The truth is, I regressed. Hard. I haven’t left my house in months. I stopped letting people come over. My world got very small. And instead of relief, that regression brought daily panic inside my own home. There was nowhere left to run from it, so I had to learn — slowly and painfully — how to sit with it. How to let it exist without trying to force it away. And then yesterday… I did something I truly didn’t think I’d ever do again. I walked to a store about 1 km from my house. I went inside. I walked around. I felt anxiety — a lot of it — but I let it be there. I didn’t fight it. I didn’t escape from it. So maybe I’m back. Not “fixed.” Not fearless. But back to moving with the anxiety instead of letting it decide my world. If you’ve regressed too, you’re not broken. Sometimes going backward teaches us how to move forward differently.
