need to apologise first—my anxiety and the ectopic beats got on top of me again, and I slipped back into old habits. The checking, the self-diagnosing… you know how it goes. After a full day of those heavy beats—the ones you feel up in your throat—I ended up staying in bed for two weeks, shutting everything out, barely eating. Then I just hit a breaking point. I thought, “I’ve had enough of this. If something’s going to happen to me, then let it happen.” So at 11:44pm, I went outside and did 10 sprints—about 50 metres each, walking back in between. I was shouting at the sky, basically daring it: “If you’re going to do it, then do it.” But nothing happened. All that did happen… was that I finally felt like I could breathe again. I'm starting to get angry with myself rather scared. Meant to be starting a new film next week and I'm in bed checking pulse. Enough is enough! Bring it on !!!!!!!
